


if the couch could talk

by KayNight



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Smut, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:21:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23163181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayNight/pseuds/KayNight
Summary: “What is it? You look sad. Like I stole your lunch money or something.”“Well… I kind of wanted to…”“What? Speak up.”“I wanted to suck off Sylvain.”“You want to fuck me and suck off Sylvain.”“...yes.”“That would really be something. Whole new level of multitasking.”Or, Dimitri comes home after a long day at work, and his boyfriends are more than ready to help him unwind.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 7
Kudos: 130





	if the couch could talk

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is for @LadySavrola on twitter! I hope you enjoy <3

It was late when Dimitri arrived home after work, feeling like he’d been dragged across asphalt for most of that Thursday. He wanted nothing more than to crash into bed and not move for a solid 7 hours. But the image that greeted him as he pushed open the door to his apartment made quick work of chasing the thought of  _ sleep _ from his mind.  _ Perish it.  _

Sylvain was languishing on the couch, flat on his back Felix’s sprawled on top of him, knees tucked up into Sylvain’s lap. His forearms were propped around Sylvain’s head. The pair were shirtless, muscles softened by the low lighting, and kissing languidly, slow and sweet, and with more finesse than if Dimitri had been involved. 

Dimitri took a second to take in the view, appreciating that they definitely knew he was there but continued on regardless. That much became clear when Felix took Sylvain’s lower lip between his teeth and tugged gently - just how he knew Dimitri liked. A clear invitation as any. Oh, and the bottle of lube and already ripped open condom package on the coffee table. 

Dimitri knelt to untie his shoes when he heard the sounds of their kissing grow more dramatic when it was clear his attention was off them. Sylvain even threw in a moan that was way too enthusiastic for necking that got Dimitri laughing to himself. Dimitri rolled his eyes and wandered into the kitchen next to the living room. The table had an assortment of dishes on top of it covered in foil, with a plate and settings left out for him. 

Sylvain and Felix stayed intertwined on the couch, dinner cooling on the table with only a single clean plate - years ago, a very different Dimitri would’ve felt something low and sickly in his gut at the sight, at the lines of separation, of exclusion such imagery could send. But instead, he felt nothing but fondness, of warmth and welcome. Sylvain being increasingly ridiculous to coax him over, Felix indulging him and - oh yeah that was definitely a fake moan coming from him, Felix never sounds that deep when he actually moans - 

Dimitri lightly placed his hand on top of one of the chairs, and turned to smile slightly at his lovers, who carried on with their charade. 

“Having fun?”

The two parted with a quiet smack, resulting in a weak huff of exasperation from Felix. Sylvain just beamed at Dimitri, eyes bright even with his pupils blown black - “Welcome home!” 

Felix folded up his arms to rest his head on Sylvain’s chest, tilting his face to smile softly at Dimitri. His hair was undone, spilling over Sylvain’s chest and bunched up where a hand was buried in it. 

“How was work?”

Dimitri slid his shoulder bag off with a sigh and dumped it on one of the kitchen chairs before making his way over to the couch. He slumped to the ground beside them, greeting Sylvain with a dry kiss to the forehead, Felix with one to his cheek. 

“Long,” was the reply, accompanied by a long sigh and a chin resting in a hand with his elbow propped up on the couch by Sylvain’s head. The picture of fatigue. 

Felix let out a hum of acknowledgement, and brought one hand up to caress gently at Dimitri’s cheek, rubbing the cold from his skin.

“We noticed. You missed dinner.”

“Sorry.”

“It’ll keep,” Sylvain said gently, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind Dimitri’s ear, “you’re here now.”

Dimitri’s shoulders sagged slightly and a smile softened his features, with a domino effect of causing a smile to creep across Felix’s lips and Sylvain’s to deepen. Their happiness was infectious, just as their sorrow and anger. Anything one of them felt, the others echoed - and now it was sweet contentment and relief tangling them together and unraveling tension from the day. 

Dimitri tangled his free hand with Felix’s and leaned into Sylvain’s fingers idly brushing through his hair: “I’m home.”

Sylvain nodded approvingly, and Felix immediately huffed, squeezing the large hand in his own, ““Which means your ours now. No one else’s,” he grumbled, breaking the tender moment and tugging Dimitri in for a kiss. 

“I like the sound of that,” Dimitri murmured into the kiss, pressed forward another, and another, and another -

Dimitri’s phone rang. Felix froze, lips still pressed against Dimitri’s before he pulled back and squinted at him. Dimitri turned sheepish and Sylvain chuckled. 

Felix held out his hand, and Dimitri flushed, fished his phone out of his back pocket, and passed it over. Felix shut it off and then proceeded to throw it across the room and into the wall. 

Dimitri choked in shock, spinning round to look at his phone lying forlornly on the floor meters away (still intact, as far as he could tell) and Sylvain threw his head back and laughed. 

“Felix - !” 

“Yeet,” Felix deadpanned before pulling Dimitri forward by his tie and slotting their lips together. 

Dimitri was lost for a moment, eyes fluttering closed, all thoughts of his phone forgotten at the wet slide of tongue, followed by a murmur: “We bought you that case - ” a sharp graze of teeth “- for a reason - ” the plush press of lips against his own “it’s literally indestructible.”

Sylvain slid his hand down from where it was buried in Dimitri’s hair down to his jaw, stroking the soft swell of his cheek and admiring the feel of his jaw working beneath his finger tips, not bothering to contain his laughter at Felix’s words. 

“Felix isn’t wrong,” he decided to add, unhelpfully, “a wall can’t do anything to it compared to what you can.” 

Dimitri tried to pull away to express his protest, but he is a simple man, you slip him some tongue, drag your fingernails over his scalp and he  _ melts _ . Dimitri let out a low moan and caused another chain reaction; Felix ground down in Sylvain’s lap in response, making his laughter stutter. Sylvain bucked slightly, grabbing at Felix’s hips to grind up against his ass. Felix whimpered, lips trembling against Dimitri’s and hand clutching tightly at the curve of his neck. Dimitri grinned into the kiss. 

It devolved quite rapidly from there.

Dimitri ended up pressed up against the hot line of Felix’s back, sucking bruises into pale skin as Felix made his best effort to physically destroy Sylvain through kissing. Even after all the years of their relationship, Felix never got out of the habit of turning every kiss into a duel, every fuck into mortal combat. Honestly, they never want him to change. 

“You can fuck me if you want,” Felix said casually as he rocked his ass back against Dimitri’s very interested dick. 

Dimitri cursed and shuddered as he buried his head in Felix’s hair. The leggings Felix had on left nothing to the imagination. Nobody had the right to have an ass like that. Sylvain had once affectionately called it a ‘bubble butt’, for which he was quickly rewarded with an ice coffee to the face. Dimitri lacked the vocabulary necessary to describe how it was beneath his fingers, how even sliding between those muscled cheeks would be enough to get him off, much less fucking them. 

“Yeah,” Dimitri replied hoarsely, “Yeah.”

Felix just let out a laugh before quickly informing Sylvain that his role in this entire affair would be shoving his dick down Felix’s throat and he better be happy about it. 

“You okay with this?” Sylvain asked, quirking up a brow as Felix got to tugging off Sylvain’s jeans with practiced aggression. 

“Don’t choke me and I’ll be fine. Also shut up, anything you can do-”

“Are you seriously turning this into a competition?” Sylvain pulled a wide-eyed expression and glanced at Dimitri over Felix’s head, “Did you hear that, he’s turning this into a competition.”

Dimitri stifled a smile, and pressed a kiss to the nape of Felix’s neck, “You are not... insignificantly smaller than Sylvain, my love. I don’t want you to take on more than-”

Felix whirled on Dimitri, leaving Sylvain with his boxers trapped around his knees and his half hard dick looking very confused, if amused. Felix’s eyes were aflame with righteousness, teeth bared in a snarl.

“Fuck you so much, I’m going to ride your dick and suck his and you’re both going to like it.”

Dimitri raised his hands up in a defense, trying and failing to hide the slightly put out expression that crossed his face by taking the opportunity to rid himself from the confines of his slacks. 

Not being blind, Felix noticed the shift immediately and squinted at Dimitri, not even sparing a glance for his newly freed dick: “What is it? You look sad. Like I stole your lunch money or something.” 

“Well… I kind of wanted to…”

“What? Speak up.”

“I wanted to suck off Sylvain.”

Sylvain threw his head back and laughed, Felix raised his eyes heavenwards even as he unbuttoned and discarded what was once Dimitri’s nicely pressed shirt. 

“You want to fuck me and suck off Sylvain.”

“...yes.”

“That would really be something. Whole new level of multitasking,” Sylvain snickered, taking the opportunity to finally free himself completely from his boxers, letting out an obnoxious sigh and spreading his legs haphazardly across the couch. 

“I could do it,” Dimitri mumbled, eyeing Sylvain’s dick, now on full display, over Felix’s shoulder with no small amount of longing. 

“You’d choke yourself. You’d try to deepthroat him and fuck me and you’d choke and die like a complete dumbass.”

“A happy dumbass.” The mumbling had progressed to grumbling. 

“Dimitri, I swear on the Goddess - “

“Okay, okay, everyone calm down. There’s no need to rush - Dimitri, you fuck Felix first, and then you can suck me off, okay?”

Felix and Dimitri both paused at that, considering. Oh, goddess, how Sylvain loved these fools. Not a single brain cell for coordinating a threesome between them despite being in a poly relationship for over two years now. They wouldn’t survive a second without him. 

“Ok… just… don’t come before then.”

Sylvain huffed, “please have a little more faith in me.”

“I have plenty of faith in you and your complete inability to resist temptation,” Dimitri grumbled before tugging down Felix’s leggings, earning his a squawk and swat to the back of the head. Fortunately for all parties involved, the pair managed to coordinate enough that the leggings came off with any wear or tear.

Dimitri wasted no time, pushing between Felix’s shoulder blades till he was chest to chest with Sylvain, tugging the smaller man’s hips up to the desired angle. Felix huffed but settled into it, grumbling as Sylvain brushed a kiss to his forehead with a cheerful grin. The day had clearly gotten to Dimitri, since any other time he would have taken a moment to appreciate the view and make some sort of lewd, yet romantic, comment about Felix’s ass sticking up in the air for him. Instead, he got right to it, leaning over to snag the nearly empty bottle of lube off the coffee table, squeezing out a generous amount, before tossing it aside. They’d find it later. 

Dimitri’s first finger slid in easily, his startled noise muddled by a low hum of pleasure from Felix. Sylvain’s grin was blinding. 

“You planned this,” Dimitri said accusingly, laughter in his voice as he easily added a second finger, pumping in and out of Felix slowly before scissoring them, earning him a groan and the gorgeous arch of Felix’s back. 

Sylvain chuckled and ran a hand through Felix’s hair, who nuzzled into his neck with a pleased sigh, “You didn’t even notice how late it is - did you?”

Dimitri blinked and shot a quick glance at the cable box, 9:34PM. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah. ‘Oh’. Figured we’d have everything ready for you when you got home - dinner  _ and _ dessert.” 

That last bit was said with a very unnecessary wink and a flourish, and accompanied by a groan from Felix that was distinctly not one of wanton pleasure. 

“He’s spent the past two hours coming up with th - ah,” the biting remark dissolved into a whine as Dimitri slid his fingers out, swirled them round the rim, and then pushed in once again with a third finger. Sylvain and Dimitri shared a glance, both of them grinning a little too stupidly. 

It only took a minute for Felix to grow antsy, wiggling in his ass in an agitated manner that Dimitri could only find endearing and hurling insults that were only slightly less endearing. 

Sylvain was doing his best to press soothing kisses to Felix’s lips, who was having none of it, and eventually just whirled around and told Dimitri to get on with it. Dimitri, for his part, just gave him a toothy grin, agreed, snagged the condom of the table, slid it on, and then sheathed himself inside Felix without so much as a ‘by your leave’. Felix gasp was drowned out by Dimitri's pleased groan, his eyes going half lidded, breath tripping over itself into uneven panting.

The pair of them looked completely fucked after one thrust, Sylvain mused to himself, but couldn’t fault them. No one took dick like Felix did, no one begged for it so easily like he did. His bottom lip pulled between his teeth, his little pants washing warmth over Sylvain’s already over heated skin. He was gorgeous, and felt nearly as beautiful as he looked. 

Even when he was still a little pissed, Sylvain chuckled to himself, shifting to press a soft kiss to Felix’s forehead, “Does he feel good? Is he enough for you?”

Felix whined and dropped his forehead to Sylvain’s chest, panting slightly, “Always enough,” a gasp as Dimitri pulled out, “and always too mu - ah! Fuck!”

Those were the last coherent words Felix got out, before he was reduced to stuttering moans (ah! A-ah! Aaah! is Dimitri’s imitation, Sylvain argues there isn’t enough Fu-uhhhhh-ck’s in there) and whines, nails cutting crescents into the meat of Sylvain’s shoulders where they clung. Sylvain, for his part, was intent on fucking up his own neck, the way he kept trying to not lose sight of either of his lovers’ faces as they fell apart.

It was clear neither was going to last long, not with the pace Dimitri had set. It was rare for him to fuck Felix like this, so vigorously it had Felix bouncing on his cock and choking on his own spit. It was overstimulation without remorse, Sylvain knew all too well, like taking a vibrator in the ass for the first time. Speaking of which, he would fucking love that right now, because he honestly might die if doesn’t get some contact.

Felix arched in such a way that his chest pressed firmly to Sylvain’s, but his hips, held tightly in Dimitri’s grasp, were far from Sylvain’s own. Distantly, Sylvain mourned that there’ll be no evidence of the outside perspective of this - of Felix’s dick hanging low and heavy between his legs, flushed red and bobbing with each thrust. And centimeters away, maddeningly close, Sylvain’s own cock, flush against his stomach and leaking.

Dimitri always pants when he fucks someone, as if the exertion and the pleasure can’t form itself into coherent words or sounds so he just gasps and hiccups and lets out these short breathy moans. The sounds always come quicker and more desperate the closer he is to letting go, whimpering as the pleasure gets to be too much which is about the time his fingers start leaving petaled bruises across his lover’s hips. He’s reaching that point now, thrusts becoming more frantic, back arched and perfect pink nipples begging for a mouth on them -- 

“Sylvain - Sylvie, Syl- please-“ 

“What is it, baby?” It shouldn’t come across as teasing, but it does. He can’t help it. Dimitri’s too cute like this. 

“Please, please - take care of Felix, ‘m close-“

Sylvain chuckled at how desperate Dimitri sounded, how his eyes were screwed shut, mouth loose and open with each pant he let out. Felix was even worse, his face mashed up against Sylvain’s tits, eyes half lidded and teeth sunk into his bottom lip. These two always lost themselves in each other so quickly, Sylvain mused as he buried a hand in Felix’s hair and tugged him upwards, sliding their mouths together. It was a disaster of a kiss, Felix’s mouth loose and wet, rocking into Sylvain’s own with each thrust, just exchanging breath and Sylvain drinking up his whimpers. 

Sylvain fumbles his other hand down from where it had been resting between Felix’s shoulder blades, skimming over the shifting muscles of his back, over his hip and - aha! The groan Sylvain let out at the feeling of silky skin under his fingertips was echoed back by Felix, who lurched forward for a biting kiss. 

All it took was a couple strokes, thumbing across the slit with the calloused side of his thumb, and his lovers fell apart within moments of each other. Felix letting out a breathy gasp, spilling himself all over Sylvain’s fingers, hiccuping as Dimitri thrust into him haphazardly. 

Dimitri always likes to curl himself on top of his partner at the last moment when he fucks them from behind, seeking the closeness that the position trades for the most delicious angle. Normally, Sylvain greatly enjoys the feeling of Dimitri wrapped around his back, sinking his teeth into the nape of his neck - as Felix is right now - but: “I love you both so much, and I’m very happy for you, but I also love my ribcage-” 

Dimitri let out a wheezing laugh, and after a few seconds of heavy breathing and crushing both Felix and Sylvain, he pulls out and stumbled incredibly ungracefully to the floor. 

“Dimitri - !” Sylvain choked, watching as his best friend of twenty-seven years and boyfriend of five nearly put an end to both counts by almost flopping himself head first onto the coffee table. 

Dimitri and Felix just laughed beforeFelix began grumbling about laying around in his own spend. He turned his head from where he had buried it in Sylvain’s neck to watch Dimitri push back his sweat soaked bangs from his forehead and struggle to steady his breathing, tugging the condom off, tying it and chucking it into the trash can to a resounding cheer from Sylvain. They sat like that for a few minutes, just recovering - or in Sylvain’s case, distinctly not recovering, and just gently grinding up against Felix’s hip, who let out a snort and slid himself back and up off of Sylvain. 

As Felix settled up against the opposite end of the couch, surveying the damage he had dealt - Dimitri a mess of sweat and flushed skin on the floor, Sylvain still hard and wanting - and Dimitri’s fingers twitching and inching back towards the couch, his gaze locked on one thing and one thing alone. 

Felix snickered, “One of these days you’re going to brain yourself trying to get your mouth on his dick, and let me tell you, it’s not worth dying over.”

Dimitri blinked and let out a startled laugh, taking that as a cue to manhandle Sylvain into a sitting position, who all too eagerly shifted to assist him, even as he shot a glare without any real heat in Felix’s direction. 

“Since when are you so coherent after getting fucked? Maybe Dimitri went easy on you this time.” 

“I’m always coherent when the opportunity to insult you appears.”

“Fair.”

The first drag of Dimitri’s tongue across his cock made Sylvain curse and spread his legs wider, easing into the warm press of Dimitri’s palms at the soft skin of his inner thighs. There are few things Dimitri loves more than sucking dick, but you wouldn’t know it from the way he acts while doing it. You would think it’s the only thing he cared about at all. Lashes fluttering, a low moan as he brought his lips to the weepy tip of Sylvain’s dick, lapping up the fluid there and pressing sweet kisses round the head of it. He always starts gently, almost like how he kissed, easing his partner into the heat and silk of his mouth, before taking them in, bobbing once, twice, three times - and then sucking them down all the way. 

Sylvain gasped, not even bothering to hold back as he thrust up into the tight heat of Dimitri’s throat, moaning as it choked around him and Dimitri pulled off with a filthy noise, pursing his lips around the tip before he dragged in a breath. Felix’s hands twitched at his sides before he moved onto the couch on his knees, bringing one hand behind him to play with his rim, hissing slightly at the oversensitivity, but grateful for some sense of relief. 

Sylvain caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and leaned in for a kiss that was all tongue, both of them sharing a moan as Dimitri hummed around Sylvain’s cock and Felix sunk one finger back inside himself. 

Sylvain broke away to give Dimitri a warning as he felt the heat spike in his gut: “N-not gonna last long, baby - “

“Just,” a cough, a hand across a slick reddened mouth, “just fuck my mouth, Sylvain.”

“Oh, oh fuck — let me, let me,” Sylvain scrambled to his feet as Dimitri did his best to scoot backwards on his knees, knocking back into the coffee table. Felix watched wide eyed as Sylvain took a fistful of Dimitri’s hair, tugged his head back, and slid his cock down into Dimitri’s throat like that’s where it  _ belonged _ . 

Sylvain was right. He didn’t last long. It was still enough to bring tears to Dimitri’s eyes that Felix leaned forward to wipe away with his free hand, dragging saliva down his chin that curious fingers traced through.

“Tits or face, babe?” Sylvain choked out, asking Felix without his eyes ever leaving Dimitri’s. 

“Neither,” Felix replied moving his hand to press against Dimitri’s full throat, “I want to feel him swallow.”

“Oh  _ fuck- _ “

* * *

Felix dragged his thumb over Dimitri’s swollen bottom lip, pressing at the strained red corner of his mouth. 

“Don’t understand how someone can look so pretty while sucking dick,” Felix grumbled, dipping his fingers into Dimitri’s mouth to stroke at his tongue, still slick with come. Dimitri instinctively closed his lips around his fingers and sucked lightly. Felix murmured something that sounded like ‘slut’ affectionately under his breath, and Dimitri let out a contented hum. 

Sylvain’s attempt at a laugh came out rather gargled as he was still attempting to catch his breath. But he shot Felix a look somewhere between heated and fond, “You’ve never seen what you look like while sucking dick.”

Dimitri nodded in agreement, making a mournful noise when Felix reclaimed his fingers. Felix huffed at their joint offense, wiping his fingers on Sylvain, who just sighed. 

“Shut up. My mouth’s…”

“Too small?” Sylvain snickered.

“It looks really lovely when it’s stretched,” Dimitri said eagerly, picking up Felix like he weighed all of two pounds to steal his spot on the couch, resettling an incredibly disgruntled Felix into his lap. 

“That’s… that’s obscene,” Felix spluttered, wriggling in Dimitri’s lap and swatting at Sylvain’s legs which moved to lay across his lap.

“Obscenely hot,” Sylvain added. Dimitri nodded.

Felix scowled and scrambled out of Dimitri’s lap, shaking off Sylvain’s little raccoon hands.

The whining was immediate. 

“Where are you going?”

“Feeeelix-“

“In the name of the Goddess,  _ shut up _ . I’m going to get something to clean us up and grab Dimitri some dinner, you heathens. One of you turn on the TV, Crouching Tiger is in the PS4.”

Sylvain looked at Dimitri and smiled. Dimitri smiled back. 

“Now that’s true love.”

“I love you, Felix!” Dimitri called out.

“And I love your ass, Felix!”

Felix flipped them off as he walked away, presumably to fetch the comforter from their bed. The rude gesture did nothing to hide his pink ears or toothy smile all too clear from his profile.

Dimitri gave a sigh of contentment and burrowed into Sylvain’s side, smiling at the kiss the older man pressed to his temple. It was good to be home. 

**Author's Note:**

> IS THIS THE FIRST DIMISYLVIX I'VE POSTED??? I think this is the first threesome I've written too... it would've been such a disaster if Dani and Kero didn't beta it, absolute heroes, I owe them so much... This was a super fun challenge... 
> 
> Thank you again to @LadySavrola on twitter! <333 
> 
> I'm on twitter @cntrlvaneau, please come say hi and chat about Blue Lions & dimisylvix with me!!!
> 
> Also, if you enjoyed, please comment!! I really really appreciate them!! thank you for reading!!


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